Dos and Don'ts when your friend has a baby

My husband and me with our 2 week old son!

​Congratulations! Or rather congratulations to your friend that just had a baby! You might be thinking, I cannot wait to see him/her, hold, and cuddle that new little bundle of joy. But hold up right there sis/bro/grandma/grandpa/aunt/uncle/neighbor/stranger on the street. If you've never been in this situation before (or maybe you have) and you're wondering "what can I even do for the new parents?" This is for you. I've listed out some DOS and DONTS when your friend has just had a baby! 

1. DO ask when/if you can come over. DON'T just show up

If the parents are pretty organized, they may have already designed someone to help answer friends and families questions. Some already have it laid out ahead of time when they are "okay" with visitors coming. But some do not. I did not necessarily have a plan but it was also hard to always text back between the nursing and not sleeping. Be patient with the new parents, and maybe send a nice text to mom or dad about getting so excited and happy for them and wanting to visit when they are comfortable, leaving the door open. 

2. DO ask to bring something that they may need/have forgotten. Run and errand for them! DON'T show up empty handed.

The new parents are BUSY but only that but they are also probably lacking sleep. The absolute last thing they want to do is worry about breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or maybe they need to get something returned to amazon or pick up something from the store. Ask what can you do for them, is there anything you can help out with to lessen the load. If they are open to you coming over to visit, don't do it empty handed. But this also doesn't mean to just bring unnecessary items that will just clutter up the place (because we already know, it's probably a mess already). Bring something that is meaningful if it isn't something that's edible. This also doesn't have to be for the baby, it can be for mom and dad too! One thing that is great is GIFT CARDS! Get them a restaurant gift card or a date night gift card. They might not be able to use it now, but they will definitely be grateful for it in the months to come. 

First stop, wine!

​3. DO ask if they have any food cravings/cuisine request. DON'T just bring something for yourself.

If you are bringing over food or dish, bring something that they will actually like and eat. You don't necessarily have to order their exact meal but when discussing options with them, bring up some restaurant ideas. Their heads are spinning and trying to come up with even a remote idea of even the type of food can be overwhelming. So even just asking would you prefer Mexican or Chinese could lessen the brain load for them. 

4. DON'T bring or send flowers or balloons to the hospital. DO send flowers and balloons and other gifts to their home. 

The less items to take home from the hospital the better. I mean, they are already bringing a whole new human being home so the less to carry out the better. Plus it'll be a nice surprise when they come home.

My brother and SIL had a baby so I brought over flowers and balloons to celebrate and welcome their newborn daughter to their home!

​5. DO ask the parents. DON'T just do as you wish.

This one is vague, I know. But, that's for a reason. This is meant to be for anything. This is mainly for anything baby related. Do you want me to change him/her for you? Do you want me to warm up a bottle? Do you want me to use these wipes? Always ask permission. They are kind enough to allow you for a visit, you want to be respectful. 

6. DO be patient. DON'T be pushy.

When they are ready, they will let you know. There is a fine line between reaching out to come for a visit and being obnoxious, pushy, and annoying. They will let you know when they feel ready and comfortable. This goes for outings as well. This is all new to them so they are testing the waters on their comfortability level of leaving the house and being out for a duration of time. Just be patient. It'll happen when they are ready and that's all that matters.

SIL and cousins first walk out!

​7. DON'T share photos without permission. DO take photos and send to the parents. 

Plain and simple. YOU should not be exposing their new little one to the world before they are. This goes for even years afterwards. Always ask if you can post a picture on social before doing it. BUT DO take the photos and videos for the parents. They will always appreciate that and send it to them, not Facebook. 

8. DO make a dish and drop it off at the doorstep. DON'T expect to come in for a visit. 

Dine and dash, baby. Don't always expect an invite but providing a meal is always appreciated and they will take note of the kindness you showed in their hard early days. 

9. DON'T share advice unprompted. DO listen to them and their concerns.

Listen but don't always expect that they are looking for a solution. Sometimes, they just want to vent and that's okay! Don't give unwanted advice unless asked! 

Baby Cal with furry brother, Leo.

​10. DON'T come over and expect to hold the baby. DO help with a household chore.

Also plain and simple. They don't always need help with holding their newborn baby that mom just spent 9 months making and however long in labor. They want the cuddles. But those dishes and laundry over there, yeah that could also use some love. 

11. DON'T come over sick. DO wash your hands and practice good hygiene. 

Also, this. Does this really need an explanation? Along these lines, also don't bring your grimy toddlers over to visit a newborn either. They are probably riddled with germs too. Love ya but HFM is not fun. 

12. DON'T comment on the state of the parents or the house. DO admire the baby and give the baby praise. 

Everything is array in those first few months. It's sometimes hard to remember the last time you might had brushed your hair as a new parent. There is also so much spit up, milks, diapers, etc. everywhere. And that's okay!! Just don't make a joke out of it or comment. As mentioned before, maybe help instead?? Do feel free to tell them how handsome and gorgeous their new baby is. How she has her moms nose, or her dad's eyes. How beautiful those blue eyes are and cute little fingers and toes. Along those lines, don't make it uncomfortable or awkward though trying to figure out who she/he looks like. It's a newborn, they change so much. 

a new normal with a newborn, see what I mean!

​13. DON'T ask about nursing, formula, breastfeeding, vaccinations, growth, etc. 

Unless mom and dad want to talk about this stuff and want your advice, just don't. This can be sensitive for new parents as they want to make sure their baby is growing at a good rate and emphasizing and talking about it can cause more anxiety on parents. Plus. it's none of your business if they are breastfeeding or using formula. Baby is fed and baby is happy. That is that! 

Yep, that's my newborn in my shirt doing a car feed. One of many!

​14. DON'T overstay your welcome. 

You know when it's time to leave, so leave. 

And lastly, which might be the MOST important one of all.
​15. DON'T EVER KISS THAT NEWBORN BABY! 

Straight forward to the point. DON'T KISS THAT BABY!