A precursor, if you will; I'll try to be as sympathetic to your feelings as I can but sometimes, my emotions (in which I can't be the only one who has been feeling this way) aren't always politically right or emotionally sensitive to every demographic so just bear with me. But that's just it, I'm not here to be political or share my thesis as a medical doctor. I'm here to provide an experience for you and your loved ones to be together and celebrate moments. Except, what do you do when your job is basically on probation?
When it began, no one knew what to do. Even now, no one knows what to do, we're all just trying to understand it and trying to live within the confines of it. Even now, writing this blog is difficult, because it's not over. Half of the country thinks we need to completely isolate ourselves for a month to be sure this virus is dead. But there are those that are essential that still have to work. Okay, well who is considered essential? Half the country wants to be sure we still have an economy to come back to and not every business is out of work because no one COULD work. It's a vicious cycle. How do we break it?
I'll start by saying we all have our opinions on this global pandemic; how it initially effected you, how it effects you now, and who it has effected around you. Our opinions, I'm sure, have changed because of what we've each been through from March to now. But to narrow this down for you, I'll share my experience and only my experience because well, that's all I got.. I'll share the experience and the roller coaster I've been through from the eyes of an event coordinator from a venue stand point. I'm not apart of any event venue though, I'm the event coordinator for a golf course in one of the busiest counties in TN. And if you've been sort of following along, TN has been pretty relentless through the entirety of this past season; one girls opinion; again. To some of you, I'm going to sound whiney, spoiled, and down right ignorant. Look, I'm taking that risk with you because like I said; we all are shaped by the experiences we've encountered so please hear me when I say, I am only human. I am TRYING my hardest to understand all sides. I mean people are DYING from this virus, so how can you say it's not serious? How can you say it doesn't effect you because in one way or another, it does. I'm here to share with you that I'm not okay. I'm not okay because for the past 27 years, I've lived my life with very low anxiety, low depression, high self-actualization, and high spirits. I'm not saying I'm perfect because Lord know I am very very light years away from that, but I do tend to try to stay on the positive side of things. That's just a personal choice I wake up trying to do everyday. I'm here to express to you, I have not lived that way since March and it's been very difficult. It's been very difficult to understand these feelings that I've basically not ever taken the time to meet. I'm also angry that I have these feelings and that I'm having a hard time dealing with them because I feel weak. I feel weak because there are people who feel this everyday all the time. Ugh, I am weak. I'm taking a very large risk just putting this out into the world but honestly, it needs to be said if not only for my sake but hopefully helps you feel some sort of comfort. Anyway, I'm sharing the emotions and feelings an event coordinator has had in the past 4 months, shout out if you feel the same (EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW THERE ARE LARGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT, IT'S OKAY TO WORRY ABOUT THESE TOO!).
March: high spirits, high expectations, relatively low stress. I remember specifically when in March it really started to take a downward spiral. For me, it was in the middle of March. We had a rehearsal dinner the weekend before and then a large member event the weekend we all started worrying about it. It was the first time we'd ever done an event like this and was expecting a good turn out. Only about 50% of the expected turnout, showed up. Two weeks later, I was working from home.
April: loads of reschedules, continuous feeling of out of control uncertainty from getting all the events from April rescheduled and then May events starting to reschedule. Still, relatively okay. I was working from home so I was with my dogs, working outside, getting some sun. When I quit work for the day, I was already home so that was plus. I started yard work. Started dinner. I was in a stress from work things but overall, I was still happy. I was honestly so happy because I was working from home, I felt I was getting more accomplished weird enough to say. But then this is when some of the anxiety started to build because I didn't have all my work materials with me and the future was still pretty uncertain. I was trying to keep it a level head though. Keep believing we were going to be okay and resume normal life in June. Your event from April is now September, okay I can handle that. Your event which was in May, rescheduled for October. Your event from June, rescheduled to November. Now, think about doing this 15x a day for a month. Now, effectively, we have no events in April and May and pretty much into June. Do I still have a job?
May: I return to work feeling scared. Nervous. Is it safe? Should I even be out? Can we even have events right now? What is the government telling us? Can I even start to plan events for the future? Do I have all the reschedules on the calendar right? What if I miss/missed something? You want to reschedule, for when? Oh wait, never mind, you're going to keep your event and just do a smaller reception. Okay, I think we can do that? Can we do that? Do we have to make them sign a waiver? How many in a room? How many to a table? 6 feet apart?! What if they get sick here? What if they were already sick here and they did not know it and they pass it to the employees or our members? WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO HAVE THIS EVENT RIGHT NOW OR THIS GOLF TOURNAMENT, PEOPLE ARE DYING!!!!!!!
Wash your damn hands people.
Half way through May: You know what, the government is lying to us. Half these people that are diagnosed with COVID are fine. I heard on the news that the hospitals are declaring people are dying from COVID when they really aren't to get more money. Can that really be true? There's no way they are doing that. Why is this becoming political?! No way. So wait, are these numbers real or are they inflated? We need to give people something to look forward to! Let's plan an event. Just keep it at 50% and spread out the tables. We can do it with the guidelines in place and those who are comfortable, come. Those that aren't comfortable, don't come. We're all adults, we can make our own informed opinions and decisions, right? yeah, let's do it!!
June: Oh, we're good. We're back to work. Feeling good. Getting events again. We're up to 75% capacity, now we can definitely do it. I think people feel comfortable now. Let's start doing things again and planning for the future! Yeah! Planning, planning, planning; Nice! This feels great! I'm so excited! I mean people are still getting it, but the cases each day are going down now..right...? Oh, it's not? Shit. Okay. We'll let's continue to try, I guess?
End of June: More cancellations. More reschedules. I can't control my calendar anymore. I can't keep up. I can't get a grip on what's even happening. It's all too fast. It's all too sudden. I can't do this all over again. I just did this 2 months ago in April. I'm exhausted. Your reschedule from April to October, now moved to April 2021. Your event which was in May, rescheduled for October, is now rescheduled to June of 2021. Your event from June, rescheduled to September, just needs to cancel now. Well, okay. I can't say no. It's the right thing to do to refund you. I mean you did not know this was going to happen, we didn't either. Can we stay afloat? Do I still have a job?
July: No one is listening to the CDC, the government, scientists, the freaking doctors. Everyone is on their own doing whatever. No, never mind. Mask mandate, everywhere! You can't go into a building without a mask now. Okay, I mean if it helps, right? But wait, what if I'm eating or drinking, I can't wear a mask if I'm eating and drinking. Oh no, you're fine. You don't have to wear a mask if you're eating or drinking. Okay, we'll that's basically all my events. So we can have events, but they have to wear a mask, but they can take the mask off if they are eating or drinking...at this dinner...event...but they still have to have a mask. I'm confused. I sound like an idiot to my clients. How do we even enforce this? How do we regulate this? Okay, we've got to cancel our internal events because there's no way our members will be able to have fun doing this. Okay, member events cancelled. But...we still have outside functions? Is that contradicting? I guess not. I have no idea. I have to put my mask back on now.
Three coworkers tested positive. I'm still here. I'm scared. What if I get it and send to my husband. We're both out of work for at least 2 weeks and that's just the minimum of what could happen. What if one of us or both of us have underlying health conditions we did not know about. We could lose our incomes. What do we do then, oh no. I'm anxious. I'm pissed. I'm upset that all these people still feel like they need to have functions even though they could be potentially spreading to others. That's so selfish right? But wait, we need events, I need a job. I need income. We need something for people to be happy about. I don't know. I'm mixed up. I hate this.
Now: Every day is different. I can't rely on myself anymore. I can't rely on my mental stability like I once did. Will today be a good day or will I become overwhelmed with fear? Will I be overwhelmed with confusion and feeling of uncertainty. Today is a good day. I am alive! I am well! I have a job, I have hope, I have love. What is today?
I do this to share my thoughts. I do this because I don't know the next move is like I once did. I do this because you need to know you're not alone in these feelings. I do this to share with you why I sound like I'm going crazy some days, haha. Why I sound like I'm unhappy or not myself. The way I've lived for the past 4 months is not normal. It's not anything that even an event coordinator is necessarily equipped to handle but we do and we try our best.
Please, be kind. Please understand that we're just has confused. Our business the way we once were able to run it, can't be run that way anymore. We are having to reconsider and reconfigure our every move. "You can't touch that utensil", It's so strange. Please bare with us because what we do today, may change tomorrow. What we told you today or yesterday, may change. We do not like doing that, believe me. It's hard on us too. At one time, we had to cut staff because we had no events, now we have to add staff because of all the protocols in place. How do we get more staff to come back to work, now they are making more from unemployment and don't want to come back. If they do, how do we pay them? We haven't been able to have an event in months! The way that we once ran like a well oiled machines like clockwork, we cannot anymore. Everything is being rethought, everything has to change and we must adapt and we must adapt quickly because tomorrow will be different than today. Man, COVID is a real "c" word. Also, I saw this video below and thought, "omg yes, absolutely perfect!" PLEASE WATCH !
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